Back to Russia

We are here, back to St. Petersburg. The days are longer, the sun seems to shine more and there is less snow. We had no travel problems and tomorrow we see Marat for the first time since December!

Wednesday is our court date, when we officially adopt him. Thats it for now. Sorry, its short and sweet, but I am tired and just wanted to give an update for all those "following the cargills......"

Ripple

Some lyrics from my favorite Dead song of all time. Seems to fit my life right now

Ripple in still water
When there is no pebble tossed
Nor wind to blow

Reach out your hand if your cup be empty
If your cup is full may it be again
Let it be known there is a fountain
That was not made by the hands of men

There is a road, no simple highway
Between the dawn and the dark of night
And if you go no one may follow
That path is for your steps alone

You who choose to lead must follow
But if you fall you fall alone
If you should stand then who's to guide you?
If I knew the way I would take you home

Saying goodbye

One week from today, we will be on our way to St. Pete's for our final trip. On our way to pick up Marat. And as happy as I am, as excited as I am, as crazy as I am, this week is all about saying goodbye.

Today, we said goodbye to Scott's family. Next time we see them, we will be parents. Today, we said goodbye to good friends who will be taking care of our home while we are gone. Next time we see them, we will be parents. Tomorrow, I say goodbye to work. Next time I see everybody, I will be a parent. I even said goodbye to my "I dont wake up before 9 am on Sunday" rule today. After all, the next Sunday we are in NJ, we will be parents....And I assume Marat doesnt follow the 9 am rule (one could only hope).

I have lived 38 years on this earth, taking care of myself for almost half of them. And now, in just a few weeks, I am going to be taking care of a child (a toddler for gods sake!). That child will be depending on me for many things and for many years. How did THAT happen? When did i decide to become responsible for a little boy living in Russia whom I barely know? When do I officially say goodbye to that selfish part of me who has nobody to worry about except myself?

Its a strange transititon...maybe like giving birth, but without the hormones and the weight gain? One day, you are one person....the only one you have ever known and the next day (mid March to be exact) you go and pick up this 22 month old from an orphanage and you are a person that you can only hope to become. And oddly enough, on that very same day, as I cross a threshold into another life, Marat will be crossing his own threshold and saying goodbye to the only life he has ever known.

So until we land in russia one last time, goodbye for now. Its time to start the final journey of bringing Marat home.

The irony of Ash Wednesday

I went to Catholic grammar school and Catholic high school. I am baptized, confirmed and married by the Catholic church. I am also very liberal and over time, have come to disagree with many (most?) Catholic traditions and how the church has evolved (or not evolved?).

And yet, when it comes to my darkest hours and most stressful days, I still turn to God and ask for his help. I don't go to church, I don't even belong to a church, but I do things my own way and believe that at the end of a day, a year, even my life, I did the best I could.

But today, I went to church. Its Ash Wednesday. My colleague at work, an Irish Catholic (who also adopted her son) mentioned she was getting her ashes today and I thought "What the hell? I haven't been to church in a while and I could use an extra blessing." And so I got my ashes.

As I sat in a packed church, half listening, I thought about my father, who has been dealing with health issues. I thought of Marat and wondered what he was doing at that moment. I even thought of those suffering in Haiti, and wondered why things like that happen in this world. And then I got my ashes and went back to work.

And when I got back to work, and checked my cell phone, I saw that the adoption agency had left me a message.

We have a court date.

We are going to Russia in three weeks to adopt our boy and bring him home.

And what was the irony? That message had been left as I was sitting in church, for the first time in a long time, getting my ashes.

I may consider going to church a little more often now.

The Waiting Game

I know that everybody is wondering where i have been and what is going on, so here it is in a nutshell....nothing is going on and I right here in NJ.

When I was in Alabama last week visiting my father (because he is having some health issues), the adoption agency called my friend Michelle, who is on the same time track as us and who we travelled "with" in St Pete's. The agency told her that some courthouse is being moved in Russia, so we are all on a bit of a delay. Really? That's not a good enough reason in my mind. But what can I do?

Scott told me that a year from now, we wont even remember if we picked up Marat in March or April. I agreed with him.

But on Feb 23, March or April seems like a long ways away...